This is Not My Life

From where I stand, it's like I'm at the perfect angle to be catching stars.

I hate being in transition. I hate being lonely. But this is what it is, this is the cross. Maybe it's just the cross I carry for summer, or maybe it is the cross I carry forever. In a perfect world I think I'd be married to Matthew Lillard and I'd be a famous make-up blogger for girls everywhere and I'd get free product on a weekly basis (almost daily, in fact) and our children(mine and Matthew's) would roam happily and they would not be segregated in a church or a school or anywhere that they went and we would raise them to know that weekends are for working and no one would be so happy as to be a mommy as I would be.

This is not my life.

I've begun a career that is causing me to access the complete left side of my brain and every day I feel as though I'm taking a little feather duster to all the cobwebs and stuff that have collected there. When I was in college I remember being in my algebra classes and hating math so much but at the same time knowing I could be the best at it if I really tried. I always knew how to get the answers to my questions even if it was the most round-about away. I had a teacher ask me how I got the answer to a question he gave me and I remember I said I didn't know. And he asked me well, from where he stood, how was he supposed to know I wasn't cheating? I said I didn't know. I just knew that I knew that I KNEW the answer.

I've been living my life like that.